No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
