What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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