I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
