It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize