do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
