Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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