I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
