Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
