There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
