All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
