mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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