What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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