what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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