If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize