Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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