Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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