just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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