I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
