Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How's work?
Spinning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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