I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
