She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
