nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
