goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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