The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
