Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
