She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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