So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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