she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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