Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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