When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
