DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
