Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
