She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
