someone threw a dead crab at me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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