alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
