Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
