wat bout pragnant strippers??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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