you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
two words: eviction party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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