I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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