Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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