I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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