i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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