Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
