think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
