Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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