I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize