sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
