I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
