Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
