Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
