the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
