i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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