my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
