i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
