It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
