No stitches, just platelets and will power
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
