Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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