Your mouth is God's brothel.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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