i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i barfeds in our rink
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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