Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
