Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
