Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
