question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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