My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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