Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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