my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
