no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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