My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
