He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
