I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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