I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
