I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
